The husband keeps staring fixedly at a beautiful drunken woman who is drinking gin at a nearby table, glass after glass.
His wife turns to him and asks, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife.”
He explains, “She started drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I’ve heard she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” exclaims the wife,…
“Who would think someone could celebrate for that long?!”
Here are some more jokes for you.
The Language of Bees
Why did the bee enroll in a language class?
Because it wanted to learn the buzzwords and have more meaningful hive conversations!
Quantum Barbecue
So, Schrödinger, Heisenberg, and Einstein walk into a barbecue. Schrödinger brings a cat in a box, Heisenberg forgets the sausages’ momentum, and Einstein just keeps relativity raining on everyone’s parade.
Zen Garden Gnomes
Why did the Zen garden gnomes start a meditation group?
Because they wanted to find their inner gnome and achieve gnome-enlightenment in the most gnome-vasive way possible!
Pirate’s Cryptic Map
A pirate found a treasure map with a riddle: “Between the palm trees where the moon and sun meet, dig for riches.” So, he dug all day, got a blister, and realized it was just a palmistry lesson!
Time-Traveling Baker
Why did the time-traveling baker go back to the 18th century?
To knead some historical dough and bake some revolutionary buns!
Gardening Ghost
Why was the gardening ghost so successful?
Because it had the best “grave” growing tips and knew how to “spiritually” nurture the plants!
Alien’s Phone Upgrade
Why did the alien upgrade its communication device?
Because it wanted to explore the universe’s Wi-Fi hotspots and stay “intergalacti-connected”!
Chicken’s Stand-Up Comedy
Why did the chicken become a stand-up comedian?
Because it had a knack for cracking yolks and was always ready with a cluck-worthy punchline!
Martian Shopping Trip
Why did the Martian come to Earth for shopping?
Because they heard our malls had the latest in “interplanetary” fashion trends and were truly out-of-this-world!
Philosophical Squirrels
Why do squirrels ponder the meaning of life?
Because they’re nuts about deep thoughts and acorn-troversial discussions!
